.: Let Love Emerge :.

hi

2009-10-21T20:28:00.003-04:00

i want to start blogging again. i really do. i was just telling my friend jason about blogger and how easy it is and blah blah blah and then i was like.. wow i am a lowdown dirty hypocrite cause if its so easy and accessible... "whycome" i never use it?

i don't have a good reason. but if you're reading this, you're cool. and i thank you.

let's see what happens. no promises. no expectations. :) i can't hurt you.

Why, Happiness?

2009-02-25T17:55:00.002-05:00

I walked into work today and found that Happiness wreaked it's ugly head at my desk. What a waste of hot pink post-it flags. Geez, Happiness, don't you care about the environment? I'm telling Al Gore. Enough is enough.

Actually, I found it quite charming. I still don't know who did it.... and I kinda want to keep it that way.

A Possible Way to Avoid DirecTV Cancellation Fees

2008-12-31T20:27:00.002-05:00

I'll save you the long and boring story and just provide you with the happy ending.

A firm email sent to directvcustomerhelp@directv.com and ellen.filipiak@directv.com regarding a $320 cancellation fee that was being incurred despite their tech testifying that we could not receive a "line of sight" to a satellite from our building. Within 24 hours I got a response saying the fee was waived.

Remarkable considering the extensive and heated phone conversation a day before, which I am still sparing you.

So, if you have DirecTV issues, which I know many of you do after looking around online for a solution, try sending an email to those 2 addresses.

Seriously, I was surprised it was wrapped up and resolved so quickly.

Vudu Box goes from $299 to $99!

2008-12-30T14:27:00.007-05:00

After reading this blog post by David Pogue, I was SO excited to get a Vudu Box. It's the perfect solution for us. We just moved and were not able to transfer our DirecTV service because the building mgmt doesn't allow satellites to be installed. And most of our favorite shows are on NBC and FOX anyway.

So we decided to get an HD antenna and a Vudu Box. My favorite feature is the ability to search by actor and see a list of movies in which they appear. The database of over 13,000 movies is the largest offered by any similar service and is still growing.

According to the BestBuy sales rep, they are planning on buying out Vudu once a bigger consumer base is built. Because BestBuy is one of the main retailers of DVDs, movie studios are especially cooperative in doling out rights which is why the Vudu database is growing and will continue to grow after the takeover.

Other cool things about Vudu:

- no subscription necessary, you pay as you use
- competetive pricing (new rentals in SD are $3.99, older movies are anywhere from $0.99 -$2.99; purchase price is approx. $19.99)
- watch movies without leaving the house or having to mail them back
- really nice interface and ease of use

Of course, download speed depends on your connection. If you have over 2mbps you can watch the movies "instantly". I will test this tonight.

I should seriously get some commission. But I'm just happy to share this lovely news with everyone. Not sure how long the Vudu box will stay at this price but it's definitely a good deal.

Buyer's Note: The promotional price for buying the Vudu box online with an obligatory $50 movie credit is $149. However, this deal is NOT available in BestBuy or other retail stores. The in-store deal is $299 for $200 worth of movie credits and the box ($99).

Last night, because the Vudu website said nothing about a different in-store deal, I contested the $200 movie credit when they ran me up for $299 plus tax. So the rep called the CFO of Vudu (apparently, he's either "got it like that" or Vudu is seriously small). CFO apologized about the confusion and offered an additional $50 worth of movie credits in addition to the $200. So I basically paid $50 for the box and $250 for $300 worth of credits. Normally, this would all cost $550, so we saved $250.

OK, I'm done now. Go Vudu!

Let's hope I'm not disillusioned once I spend more time with the thing.

Cop Out Post

2008-12-19T16:56:00.002-05:00

I've already posted these to my Facebook, that's why this is a cop out but I want it to be here on my blog as well.

Some sketches I did in high school....

Not sure how I would categorize my style, or if I can.

My Cat on iChat

2008-12-15T22:58:00.003-05:00

He also takes excellent meeting minutes.

The Power of Palsy

2008-12-09T18:20:00.005-05:00

So my mom calls me today and says that she's been having a headache and earache for the last few days and this morning she woke up with one half of her face drooping. OK so of course we think it's a mild stroke. Mild because she didn't complain of any other symptoms or numbness, thank goodness.

I left work, picked her up. She wanted to take an ambulance because she was having an anxiety attack. I was reluctant because she doesnt have insurance and i know the cost of an ambulance service is riDICulous. But she insisted and it was probably best anyway so they could give her oxygen. Plus, my cell phone died the minute I sat in the ambulance, so I had to borrow the EMS guy's phone so it wasn't all bad.

Anyway, the Dr. said because she had no other symptoms, he strongly believes it's just Bells Palsy.

So, we were relieved that it wasn't a stroke or something more serious. The Dr. said it should go away in a few weeks. So we celebrated our relief by doing "Rocky" impersonations and taking pictures of my mom making faces that accentuate the droopy side as much as possible, and then sent it to the rest of our family.

Yeah. We're odd.

Scrappy Memories

2008-12-06T14:51:00.006-05:00

So we're cleaning out all the debris we don't need and I ran into this (the re-discovery of old paraphernalia that means absolutely nothing to almost ANYbody else is my favorite part of moving)

I took a scrap booking session with some friends one night and this is what I made. It was a far cry from the usual family photos in floral frames and little triangles in every corner, but it was mine. And I'm proud of it. :)

The pics were taken in or around 2001. Those were fun times. :sigh: Sadly, they're gone and all of my close friends and I have changed so much and we never even see each other anymore. Drifted apart in more than one way.

This still makes me smile, though. Good times.

Movin' on West...

2008-12-04T21:33:00.004-05:00

We saw a really nice apt in Bloomfield last night. The one in Teaneck wasn't as promising. But this Bloomfield one has these benefits:

- cheaper than what we're paying now but one less bedroom (that we don't need anyway)
- has nice clean laundry room downstairs
- elevator- rent includes garage for 1 car

- heat / hot water included

- huuuuge living room/dining rm area

- bedroom is bigger than our current bedroom

- in a bldg where most apts are condos

so tenants are vested in property and take good care of it
- can paint it whatever colors we want!
- our cats can come!
- 13 miles closer to his job, about the same distance for me as it is now

- beautiful neighborhood, lots of shops, cafes, quaint little stores

***UPDATE: After agonizing over it together and then discussing with my brother and Joyce, we decided to move! Also, I found out that i won't have to pay a toll on the parkway when i get to work.. confirmed by my coworker. We're going to sign the lease and drop off the checks, right now!!!! Yay, I'm excited.

I really hope they give us keys early so we can bring our stuff over in trips, before the 1st.

Also, I told my sister about us moving. She's cool with it. Will miss us of course, but we'll still see her.

****Other UPDATE: We signed the lease. It's official. New place on Jan. 1st.

Any paint color ideas?

Here are some pics....

The Age of Faces

2008-11-30T12:44:00.010-05:00

OK, so I've started another blog. I'm not going to share the address because I kinda want it to be like a private online journal, except I've put no restrictions on it so really, it's public.

It's quite liberating, though. I'm incorporating this idea that was inspired by a YouTube video. Some dude had a video that was basically a buttload of pics of himself, one taken every day for like 3 or so years. It was pretty cool. So I decided to make one blog post every day and include a pic of me from that day. Like a visual journal. To see how the events of the day have affected me, as expressed through my face... and to see how the impacts of those events accumulates over the years. Not sure how long I will keep it up but I think it's a good process for me right now.

Sketchy

2008-11-27T01:07:00.003-05:00

Done in literally, 6 seconds. Yet it oddly resonates with me.

Moods App

2008-11-26T17:34:00.002-05:00

I just downloaded this app called "Moods". You pick a mood face like the one below, every day or whenever you want to make an entry. Then you can also enter a reason for why you feel that way.

It's an easy way to track your moods and daily thoughts without any pressure. It's just another step in my long overdue attempts at documenting my life, possibly for later analysis.

it's probably not as bad as it sounds...

2008-11-25T11:43:00.010-05:00

Today, the weather is making allowances for what would otherwise be "unspeakable grief". It is like a warm mother holding me in her arms and whispering "let it out, my child, let it out...". And I really want to.

I woke up this morning with a deep, dismal groaning inside me. It roused me from sleep by twisting my guts with a slow and methodical pace. I imagine it's the type of feeling one experiences when waking up on the first day after an apocalypse. That hopeless desperation that chokes what should be a scream or a wail. The aimless but frantic roaming of the eyes as they dart across as many points as possible looking to cling to the first thing that makes sense.

The sky is leaky and a monochromatic gray. No matter how much it releases, it is still full. Stuffed with fluffy matter stored up from an unknown place. And I'm not certain how mine got full either. But it is. And it all needs to come out.

But how? Despite refreshing my approach to blogging, I'm still at a crossroads when it comes to displaying emotional vulnerability in a public place like this. It's not to deny its existence because we all have it but there is a time and place for everything. Maybe I'm just not ready. But I will get it out somehow. I have to. Otherwise, it will totally demolish me.

I'm also about three days away from the part of my cycle that begins and ends in bloodshed so I should probably factor that in, too.

Beef Stew: Accomplished!

2008-11-23T20:06:00.004-05:00

Every "serious" blog post, I believe, should be followed up with one of little consequence.

With that in mind... I MADE BEEF STEW! Yup, my mama's beef stew. The kind I adored and would beg her to make when I was younger. It was always such a long process and it would seem like she was slaving over it the whole day. That could partly have to do with the fact that she had to use Vishnu like tactics to keep her 5 kids in check while concocting this meal but it was always well worth it.

So now I've officially made it and I have to say it tastes pretty darn close to hers. She must've handed down some good genes to me. Her detailed instructions didn't hurt either.

Thanks, Mom! I love you :)

A Passing Thought about Shame & Money

2008-11-20T22:14:00.004-05:00

I work with filthy rich people and modestly lower class people. For the last week, someone at my job has had to take the bus to work because they can't afford to pay the mechanic bill and have their car released.

Meanwhile, there are VP's that have multiple houses, cars, children left unattended. The American Dream, if you will. And though they're easily making 6 figures, they try their best to stay grounded and in touch with "the little guy". They do a decent job of it, too. In fact, one of my bosses drives a Ford Freestyle that I have yet to see clean. It draws little to no attention because it's not much to look at. I'm sure this is intentional and is probably the least expensive of all his cars. I respect that he sacrifices affordable luxury for utilitarian simplicity all for the sake of being more accessible. I have even wondered if these financially blessed people are ever ashamed of their wealth while they are among the skilled laborers in weathered construction vests, or while talking to foreman who give off that special hint of something extra as they pass by.

After thinking about it for a bit, I came to this simple conclusion:

People should never be ashamed of how much money they have or do not have. What is worthy of their pride or shame is how they received what they have, be it riches or poverty.

Holy Smoke!

2008-11-20T15:16:00.001-05:00

Don't worry, don't worry. I'm ok.

But geeez. Looks like the L O S T monster that we haven't seen in 3 seasons.

Best License Plate Ever

2008-11-19T16:59:00.005-05:00

I was stopped behind this guy at the light when I did a double take!

It's the best license plate ever. So friendly. Got a rainbow, says "Aloha State".

Then I realized he must've had his car shipped here. Then thought of how rare this must be. It's like finding a four leaf clover, or calling a support desk for an electronic product and NOT getting an indian person, or getting a cup of anything at Dunkin Donuts that's filled more than 3/4ths, or someone sending your lost wallet back to you (PLEASE! Whoever you are!).

Have any of you ever seen a Hawaii license plate, "in the flesh"?

An Evening with Poe

2008-11-16T22:52:00.006-05:00

"Imagine a moonlit night, the towering pines surrounding Mount Hope cast a mysterious shadow upon the sandstone fortress. An expressionless servant invites you inside. The year is 1849. While Walking one night through the dark and dreary streets of Baltimore, Mr. Edgar Allan Poe falls into a rabid coma and wakes to find himself, along with a handful of his most bizarre characters, in an Asylum in the South of France."

That's the description of the "experience" (not show) as posted on www.parenfaire.com.

While I wasn't completely teleported into the past, it was the absolute perfect night for such an event. There was a torrential downpour earlier in the day. The night was immersed in a frosty chill. The sky, a deepest shade of "pitch". And it was in Pennsylvania. Though places ending in "sylvania" have their own variety of spook, this place has a unique way of keeping the past frozen in time. It's eerily colonial.

When you walk into the mansion, and you enter... an experience. Immediately, you are encountered by the asylum "inmates". They are in full, unbreakable character and pretty entertaining. The "head nurse" takes your tickets with a mug like clay pressed with the Creator's hands to fit the part.

The group is then divided into three parts and sent to separate rooms. The first one we went to was for an enactment of "The Tell Tale Heart", by a female, surprisingly. Her performance was amazing. She kept accessing all of this raw emotion and it filled her face undeniably. The rhythm of her passionate and crazed monologue was guided by precision and was more enveloping as a result.

Then we went into a room resembling a study where and OCD character recited Poe's "Berenice". The prose was so wordy and long winded with a speedy execution that it was hard for me to follow. The wine from dinner didn't help either, I'm sure. However, I was overtaken by this guy's gestures. I would not be surprised if he really had OCD. His eyes also bulged randomly which lent to the characters awkward desperation. Overall, a good job.

Lastly, we entered the room where "Poe" and an unnamed female character performed "The System of Doctor Tarr and Professor Fether". Their chemistry was entertaining and the sound effects were well timed, which always helps.

Afterwards, some poems were recited. One of the especially demented inmates performed "The Bells" with a strong variety of vocal tones. For me, he stole the show. He conveyed the downward development and increasingly haunting message of "The Bells" remarkably. At one point, I thought he was... a bell.

Following that was Poe's performance of "The Raven". It seemed to be fueled with the inspiration of last performance of the season but more inspiring was what he said afterwards when he addressed the audience. He thanked us for supporting the oral tradition and being part of its continuation. He also encouraged us to reach out to others with it; to approach children and tell them a story or sing them a song or just share a joke because they will remember it and even if they laugh at you, they will appreciate it later. He closed by saying -

"Be brave for them. Share of yourselves. They need you."

On the Road

2008-11-15T16:45:00.001-05:00

We're on our way to meet up with friends for "An Evening With Poe" in Pennsylvania.

Review to follow.

Columbus Circle dot dot dot

2008-11-15T02:52:00.011-05:00

Took this shot last week right before the Conor Oberst concert. It was one of the only pics I took with my beloved nikon that night as I was forced to bring it to the coat check.

The short conversation between the security guard and myself went something like this:

*Warning: Slight exaggerations may occur due to memory loss.

Guard: "You gotta check that."

Me: "Check what?"

Guard: "That camera." (points to camera poorly hidden beneath my open hoodie)

(I fake shock because the lady 15 ft. away already told me)

Me: "But I don't understand, why can't I bring my camera? I checked the internet and it said it's ok."

Guard: "The artist doesn't want any photos taken with those types of camera inside."

Me: "What types of cameras exactly?"

Guard: "You know, those. The ones that take film."

Me: "Oh nonono, this camera doesn't take film. It's just digital." (hey, it was worth a shot)

Guard: "Well, whatever. He doesn't want those (points). The little ones are ok, though."

Me: "So basically he only wants crappy shots of himself."

Guard: "Right."

Me: (not so under my breath) "Thanks, Conor Oberst."

So anyway, Columbus Circle is nice this time of year.

This is a shot I took after I retrieved my camera from the coat check. A really lame way of "stickin' it to the MAN". I'm so dangerous. Please. Someone stop me.

Oh, and this is Edie who made it all worth while.

What In The....?

2008-11-14T12:20:00.002-05:00

My buddy Jeremy introduced me to this page with bizarre vintage ads. WeiRd.

What Goes On In Her Mind

2008-11-14T10:36:00.001-05:00

Really, folks. She's not evil. I promise.

This Could Be Me

2008-11-13T18:10:00.000-05:00

...if the text is the right size after my last tweaking.

Formatting Check

2008-11-13T17:48:00.002-05:00

Is it large?

The only thing left to seal the deal is for me to find out if/how I can feature music on my blog.

Testing Mobile Uploads!

2008-11-13T17:32:00.003-05:00

Seriously? If this works I will easily be persuaded to switch to blogger permanently.

Best case scenario - that the formatting will match previous posts.

OMG PUPPIES!

2008-11-13T14:22:00.006-05:00

Thanks to my friend Edie I have now been watching this for the last...... 5 hours. It just never gets old!

It's a live feed of these Shiba Inu puppies. They are so awesome! And when they nibble at each others bums? :faints from the cuteness:

Click here .

The Bubblegum Sequencer - Making Music With Candy

2008-11-10T20:53:00.001-05:00

This is just so ridiculously cool.

YouTubes Tied

2008-02-24T15:09:00.003-05:00

Ok, I guess the video from my last post was pulled from YouTube probably for copyright reasons. It looked like clips from a real show, not homegrown.

Anyway, 207 people decided to freeze in place at the exact same time for 5 minutes scattered throughout Grand Central Station. The reactions were hilarious.

207 Pranksters in NYC

2008-02-24T13:43:00.000-05:00

Thanks to the Gringo for passing this along.

Rey vs. a Lemon

2008-02-22T13:46:00.002-05:00

Once upon a time, 2 like souls worked in the call center of a medical laboratory next to an airport. They were good friends whose "phone time" took a huge hit due to some luxuriously excessive water cooler conversations.

Alas, they were separated by some cunning but understandable phone connivery. And spent the next few years trying to actually meet up for a friendly lunch catch-up session. But the universe was in on this innocent scheme and pulled its weight to keep them apart.

Well, on 2.19.2008, that all changed. Plans were locked and loaded to ensure they meet at a local restaurant at 12pm sharp. Riddled with excited disbelief, the girl was not convinced that the guy could make it on time, if not make it at all.

So like most disbelieving girls do, she challenged him. Arrive on time.... or eat a lemon (peel included, of course).

These are the results.

Picture Sharing

2008-02-05T23:19:00.000-05:00

So I've been looking for a really good photo editing program. I love iPhoto, but the problem is there is no simple way to resize the photos, all modifications are saved separately and cannot replace the original which means 2 copies, eating up my HD space. Plus, viewing the individual files in iPhoto is a hassle.

The best one so far, for me, right now is Pixelmator. Once I get that all set up and resize some of my photos, I will be posting them in my Picasa gallery. I'll post the link here.

In the meantime, I'd like to see any photos you have, whether they're in a photo gallery or not. If you have one, feel free to post a link in a comment.

For now, here is one of my new favorite pictures.

The one. The only. The lovely... Ella-fant.

A Little Realization...

2008-01-30T10:07:00.000-05:00

.: :.

There is a special sense of victory that most people experience when they manage to loosen your grip on your convictions.

It's sad.

Say Cheese!

2008-01-29T23:37:00.000-05:00

Pick that spinach out of your teeth because I just purchased a new digi cam and I am going to be snapping shots at everything and everyone!

After 4 years, I decided it was time. I have plenty of reasons, too; my niece is growing up, creativity is therapeutic, and I want to indulge the inner photographer that I've been taking for granted since high school. Mr. Farinola would pout if he knew. I'm also gearing up for the warmer weather and some new goals.

What better way to capture the journey than with a new digi cam? (especially, since my memory is crap)

So here it is... the Sony Cybershot DSC W80 in PINK!

New Slideshow

2008-01-27T23:19:00.000-05:00

I posted a slideshow. It's on the right. Right there... yeah, that's it. mhm...

7/11ths of the family met up in NYC for a high end Mexican dinner. Pomegranate margaritas and guac made freshly at table side. But the highlight was definitely, the Ella bear.

Have You Ever Seen One of These?

2008-01-27T18:41:00.000-05:00

It's not everyday that one crosses paths with the Big Purple Bus. Maybe it was the orange lighting, but the bus looked rather pink for a "purple" bus. I couldn't help but hear one of my favorite Barney songs play in my head as I ran to it in childish wonder, the ever mysterious "Barney Bag"... I shall refresh you.

"Well, I've been looking in my Barney bag.

And I found a lot of things!

Gadgets, and gizmos, and odds and ends,

and even some old string.

So we ask ourselves the question,

'What can we make today?'

With imagination and the Barney bag

we'll see what we can make today.

Yeah! We'll see what we can make today."

Don't hate.

How To Stay Out of Debt

2008-01-21T21:24:00.000-05:00

I am overdue for a nice meditative blog but in the meantime...

Here's an informative video on how to stay out of debt. Pay close attention, so as not to get lost in the complex logic.

Like the font color? I was aiming for something between a dollar bill and a penny.

P.S. My blog looks a lot better on a Mac. :)

Also, feel free to post responses to this blog about the new Apple products rolled out by Steve at the Macworld Expo. If you haven't seen it yet, click here.

04/25/1979

2008-01-17T22:32:00.001-05:00

Forwarded to me by my good ol' friend, Deanage.

(Thanks! Oh and Roger just called you "Dean-o" and I pictured the Flinstone's pet!)

Enjoy....

Blah Blah Blog

2008-01-16T00:28:00.000-05:00

I still have not emerged from my blog cocoon. My guards are still up. And I'm still making "safe" entries.

It's about 12:30 a.m. I'm cold but refuse to get up and turn the heat on or go grab a blanket. I do this a lot. It's a way of depriving myself as an expression of not truly appreciating myself. Simply put, I'm not important enough to get warm. It sounds laughable to read and to write but it's true. And I really feel that way. I'm also pretty lazy sometimes. So that probably plays a part, too.

There's a lot on my mind right now and I'm wondering if I should save it for tomorrow or let it out now while it's still fresh. The age old question asked by my inner writer - will marinating in it make it better (like lemon chicken) or does waiting air out the fragrance of its essence (like car fresheners)?

It's ok to struggle WHILST making a post, right?

"Muchacha" and I were having a very lively discussion today about Jesus' words in Matthew 5:23, 24 -

"If, then, you are bringing your gift to the altar and you there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar, and go away; first make your peace with your brother, and then, when you have come back, offer up your gift." - New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures

It basically comes down to that right now. So that's what I'm going to do.

Make peace with my brother.

I promise, my blogs won't always be this vague.

LOST in 8:15 (Official Recap S1-S3)

2008-01-12T11:01:00.001-05:00

* Spoiler Warning *

Hilarious, though.

Love

2008-01-10T20:49:00.000-05:00

I just heard this quote today...

"Love - a urine mirage in a desert of fear."

Ayn Rand Phil Donahue Interview Part 1 of 5

2008-01-08T22:36:00.001-05:00

As part of a casual discussion of the links between Objectivism & Darwinism, a friend of mine sent me this video of an interview with Ayn Rand by Phil Donahue. (Thanks Darkus)

It speaks for itself.

I've read two of Ayn's books - The Fountainhead and Anthem. Both were very enjoyable and a quick read. They also came highly recommended by some good people. Like most things though, they contain truths and untruths.

In theory, I agree with Ayn on the importance of having a healthy sense of pride in our accomplishments as opposed to fake humility or contrived self-depracation. She takes it a bit too far, though, when it comes to her thoughts on God and religion. I don't agree with her at all on that topic. That part of the interview is in video 3 of 5 in the sequence which can be found on YouTube. Phil provides a sharp and strong retort to her claims. Definitely thought-provoking, to say the least. I have a lot more to say on this, but I'll stop here.

Enjoy

One Thing I Must Know Before I Die

2008-01-07T22:38:00.000-05:00

(Originally written on 12.15.07)

I've always wondered why if new bulbs are put in at the same time and are of the same wattage, receiving the same amount of voltage, some of the lights in the letters of company names go out at different times.

Like tonight, we were driving in south jersey and drove past an O--I- E D-pot.

Why does this happen???? I need to know before I die.

Let me know if you have any theories or plausible explanations.

Here is one from my friend, Tom...

"Simple...God doesn't like certain letter combinations. I mean, I'm pretty sure he likes all letters (except maybe Q), but we all have our irrational peavery. And certain neon schemes drive God bananas. It makes sense because he can see the whole world all the time, so those signs must feel like they're coming right through his bedroom window! I understand why he's upset."

What say YOU?

||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||

2008-01-05T10:43:00.000-05:00

So, yesterday was my 27th birthday. January 4, 1981, I was born. I'm not old enough to hide my age and not so young that I reply with fractions or round up and say "I'm going to be..." when people ask how old I am.

I don't celebrate birthdays, of course. But the anniversary of one's birth has this naturally reflective quality for most people, including myself. Some dwell more on the years that have come and gone. And some focus on the untapped potential of the future. I did a little of both yesterday.

When I was 15, I remember telling someone "I will die before I'm 25. And if I'm not dead, I'll kill myself." * My thinking was that I didn't really want to commit suicide, but I was "hopeful" that something would spur on my demise. And if not, I would have to step in because who wants to get old?

I was about 13 when Kurt Cobain died at the age of.. 27. He quoted Neil Young in his suicide note when he wrote, "'it's better to burn out' than to fade away". This profound statement captured how most young people view getting older. Your skin loosens, things sag, hair grays, body stiffens, fears swell, bitterness hardens and you get really, really lame and out of touch. That's how I viewed aging.

Coming to my senses at age 19 shed a lot of light on my gloomy conceptions. I eventually started looking forward to my thirties and saw it as a time when uncertainty is behind you, you've figured yourself out, and built up enough experience to proceed with method and precision into whatever you do. You can meaningfully press on.

As you get further into "your future" one question in particular seems to swell and reverberate on each birthday - "What have I accomplished?" But this time around, I don't really want to think about that because what I have accomplished is not as important as what I can accomplish or rather, what I'm going to accomplish... which is still undecided. Actually, I opted to just wait for tomorrow so I don't have to think about it. (haha)

Ultimately, the most important thing for me is to remove all the circles. Those destructive patterns that creep into my life and surround me. The circuits that thrive on repetition. I fear that they get stronger each time I run the course. And they're more patient than I am because they know I'll return to their familiar grip.

But it's 2008 now and I'm on the cusp of a new cycle. I can see the crest of its waves approaching me in the distance. And I've had 27 years to prepare for its arrival.

__________________________________________________

* Is that unusual for teens? I don't think so but my gauges could be off. Now teens are learning to love their fleshly selves like rabid little dogs so maybe death is not the first thing on their list. They'd much rather advertise tiny teen problems as massive despair to their friends to extract maximum comfort and consolation (attention followed by praise). But I'll not go on that tangent. Thankfully, I do know some teens who are exceptions to this rule (Linda, Sandra, Tiffany just to name a few).

The Thing About Blogs...

2008-01-03T19:44:00.000-05:00

Anyone who knows anything about me knows I like to study people & behavior; to know and understand why we do what we do. Know, know, know. And I've gone through phases in how I feel about them - naivete, hate, apathy, love, apathy... The usual.

Being an idealist at heart, one of the most important lessons I've learned about people (besides expectation=disappointment) is that you have to know your limits with them. Some are very trustworthy. Some will break your heart. Some will never listen to anyone. Some will devastate you with a loyalty that endures the ages. It is necessary to accept this.

"But doesn't this restrict your relationships?", you might ask. Do lines on a map limit the potential of a city? Absolutely not. Learning, and re-learning, this lesson makes my friendships more enjoyable. For example, I don't share intimate details with my friends possessing the gift of gab. By doing so, I keep them out of the precarious position of having to "keep a secret". If I'm looking to go out and have a great time, I'll most likely call my extroverted, social butterfly friends who will probably already have an agenda. And then there are some who I just love to listen to. It's very liberating.

It's great having unique conversations with my friends and family. Like how my sisters remind me to care for my practical needs, or how Erin and I can go off on tangents about how in my mind, she's a winged and glittery forest creature who rides a two-toned striped glow worm with green jelly for blood. Then there are the endless hours Ryan and I can spend swapping theories of personality nuances and illustrating life in "N" metaphors or how Roger and I can be perfectly content saying nothing at all. I think of it like a beautifully patched quilt.

The thing about a blog is... it tempts me to defy this rule. How? Because to me, an enjoyable blog is one that is, at the very least, honest, open, and informative. So how do I openly share my ideas, thoughts, feelings, without crossing these trusted boundaries? Will the universe unravel if I do? No. But it may get messier.

-=-

I'm up for the challenge. Are you?

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"If they were all one member, where would the body be? But now, they are many members, yet one body. The eye cannot say to the hand: 'I have no need of you'; or, again, the head [cannot say] to the feet: "I have no need of you." - 1 Corinthians 12:19-21 NWT

Which "My So-Called Life" Character Are You?

2008-01-02T22:28:00.001-05:00

As you can see, I'm Angela.

Let me know who you are by commenting to this post. I am VERY interested in the results.

Rosa, I know you can appreciate this one.

Which My So-Called Life Character Are You?

Shocking MySpace Facts Revealed!

2008-01-02T21:27:00.000-05:00

A recent study reveals that 98% of myspace users do NOT have hands. Supporting evidence includes, but is not exclusive to, countless pictures of handless users.

Dr. Tequila (Tila's older, smarter, also Filipino brother), an expert in the field of Myspaceology, states "It's not so much that they are all missing BOTH hands. In fact, the data shows that the majority of that 98% are missing just one hand. The other can usually be seen dangling in the background or placed alluringly somewhere on their person. The numbers are staggering."

Scientists are still researching the cause of this shocking peak in handless members of the electronic community and suspect it might be genetic. However, some renegade teens argue "we're just vain and friendless!"

Photo: Dr. Tequila analyzes a test tube for the cure as perplexed colleague marvels at why he's not using a microscope

Location: C.A.S (Center for Armless Scientists)

The Biggest Loser

2008-01-01T23:25:00.000-05:00

There was a "The Biggest Loser" marathon on Bravo today that I caught with one eye and one ear while I obsessed over my new blog and the difference between RSS and Atom feeds (click here if you're interested in reading about the differences, thanks to Chrissie for the reference).

I wish they would focus a little more on what these people are actually eating, but other than that what a great premise. I especially like that before the finale, they make the finalists spend weeks at home trying to lose the weight on their own so the fuel of competition motivates them in their natural habitat which helps for a smoother transition into regular life.

It seems inevitable that there will one day be a "Real World" type version of this show where, in the spirit of dirty competition, people start swapping ring dings for low-fat snack wells or twinkies for tofu ( I know they look nothing alike but it could happen!). I really hope it doesn't happen but I'm sure it's on its way.

Then there's the question of, is this show really encouraging to the overweight people of America? Do some watch and think "wow, all I need is an overpriced trainer, fat camp, a nutritionist, paid healthy meals, and lots of time away from my job, family, and other obligations... and voila!" (discouragement ensues) or does seeing people lose all this weight, regardless of the method, provide enough inspiration to others with the same desire?

On a more technical note, I changed the default setting that was only allowing gmail users to post comments so now everyone should be able to post with no obligation.

Also, if you'd like to subscribe to this blog, click the "Subscribe to: Atom (posts)" link at the bottom of this page (or the the link I just posted). Then click the "Subscribe in Mail" link on the bottom right. Depending on your browser, you may have a blue and white "RSS" icon in the URL box that can also redirect you.

how do you feel about blogs?

2008-01-01T03:39:00.000-05:00

I'd like to know how you feel about blogs and blogging in general.

Are they vain?

...helpful?

...cathartic?

...useless?

What are some of your favorite blog sites?

Do you have a blog? If not, would you ever start one?

everything goes somewhere

2007-12-31T19:27:00.000-05:00

... and here I've come.

So, why do a blog? It's good to answer this question.

I wrestled with the idea of blogging for a while. I mean really, who is that important that other people should be updating themselves with their little thoughts all the time? But then I realized... it's more like an interactive journal. So, I guess that's ok.

In the world, we have extroverts and introverts. People who prefer to live externally and people who love their inner world. Socialites vs. loners. Although it has introduced us to new and amazing ways to communicate, the internet has really diminished our "social skills". It is a lot more comfortable to text or IM than it is to call or visit. It requires less courage, less energy, less time, less interest and occasionally, less money. But the drive to be social has not shrunk. It is just being expressed in these new avenues. Before this blog gets really boring, let me jump to the point - I'm choosing to express my desire to be social by blogging.

Not a big deal. Definitely nothing new, but it is an avenue I'm going to explore and I hope you come along for the ride. If you've received a personal invite to this blog its for one or more of the following reasons:

a) You're awesome

b) I love you

c) I think you have a great mind

d) Your input is appreciated

e) You are an 80's child like me

f) You like chocolate chip mint but only the green kind (optional)

I would like for this to be more interactive than anything. I mean, if I can toss out a thought that generates a lively discussion even if heated, wait no, especially if heated, then I can go to sleep happy and maybe even replace some of these crazy post apocalyptic nightmares I've been having with King Arthur's round table type images.

So I have some blogs I've already prepared and I'm going to post one of these a day. Their real composition dates will be contained in the body of the blog.

I look forward to your comments, thoughts, arguments, random unrelated words, whatever you have to give.

Fire up your keyboards! Let's blog it up...